Me in line at the polls last night: “Wow, it’s like we’re waiting in line to get OFF the rollercoaster!”

Nobody reacted. Tough crowd

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the highest level of wanting revenge on someone: singing a song at a talent show and they're in the audience and are blown away by how good you are

@Matt I mean an alive bird. And then it dies because of the velocity of the car

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The song u listen to when ur on a road trip and a dead bird hits ur windshield

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Business conventions are furry conventions where everyone's fursona is a corporation

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I’m currently being affected by the wildfires in California. When will my fellow Californians realize we have to take down Big Almond? Our houses burn and the almond industry tycoons laugh from their mansions

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pronouncing antifa like you were gonna say “anti fascist” but stopped after the third syllable

@Matt I’m talking about like the cybertoaster and the digital shower handles

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They are saying the internet is going to be in everyone’s house. If the internet tries coming inside my house I’m gonna beat the fuck out of it with a baseball bat

Perplexed that something can be the most disgusting, unsanitary looking thing ever and simultaneously be a bar of soap

Saw an academic paper today. Researchers traced 15,000 people’s mobile phone locations and purchasing habits, and found that they are twice as likely to make a purchase in crowded public spaces than in uncrowded public spaces because of social anxiety. As a result, marketers can profit from concentrating retail ads on users currently situated in crowded spaces.

I didn’t even know they could do that...

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Is it possible to make advertising useful, non-intrusive and on demand/curated? Ads being so baked into the internet is depressing

Is the general public’s posture getting worse because of shelter in place?

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sir, sir, I have a doctor's note saying i can poop on the floor of Whole foods sir

Google already knows everything about me, so can we put that dataset to use to generate psychotherapy? State of the art hardware could probably churn out 10, 20 emotional breakthroughs a minute

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