Friend: What’s your new address? I can come pick you up
Me: Thx, but I don’t want my address to end up on
Friend: What? I’m not giving it to FB. WTH?!
Me: Hum, you’ll probably add it to my contact on your phone. You gave Messenger and Whatsapp access to your contacts. So yeah if I give you my address there’s a good chance it’ll end up in a FB’s database.

Why is it so hard to protect one’s data these days? Is there a way for me to have ppl over without leaking my address?

@pyre35 My concern isn’t with how to get them the address safely but rather with what they would do with it once they get it. It’s not that I don’t trust them. It’s just that they don’t know any better when it comes to online . Most people don’t.

@ilyess ah yes, sorry, responded too quickly and short on coffee.

@ilyess Just convince them to start small. That's how I started :) Not sure how far along I really am

@pyre35 I managed to move conversations off of Whatsapp, Messengers, and so on when I left those platforms and believe me, it wasn’t an easy task. The hard part was convincing the other party to use yet another messaging app. I lost contact with so many people along the way and I don’t regret any of it. But moving my conversation with X off of Whatsapp is one thing, convincing X to delete their Whatsapp account is a different story x)

How far are you?

@ilyess I have a few distant friends that use Whatsapp. Tried to get them to use signal but they won't. We aren't that close so not a big deal for me. Trying to get away from google is honestly way harder for me. I'm close with my personal account.

@pyre35 Same here. Ditching Google is not straightforward but totally worth the effort. Some people wanna be mortgage-free, I can’t wait to be Google-free.

@ilyess Call them, tell them to put it on paper rather than in their phone. Also I’ve lost a lot of friends over this so be careful.

@Sandra but were they really your friend if they didn’t care about protecting your right to privacy.

@TinBee Yeah, I miss them. They just didn’t get this stuff.

@Sandra this attitude of “its ok and normal for big corporations to have all your details” is so baked-in to the public belief that it’s hard to get people to understand why it’s a concern, let alone convincing them to do anything about it

@TinBee @Sandra So, you can see main problem :/ Sick situation become standard. From this place I have to accuse most "tech" and/or "security" blogs and websites of embracing this shit even more. "These popular services are the best for most usual users" - so, privacy is only for chosen ones? Hermetic mysterious knowledge like alchemy?! I don't know how they could call this spying services "secure" in post-Snowden era.

@TinBee @Sandra I’m sorry to hear that you got separated with your friends. I can’t help but wonder though, if they missed you as much as you do them, don’t you think that they would have made an “effort” to reconnect with you? What alternative did you suggest to them in order to stay in touch?

@ilyess They obv don’t miss me as much as I miss them. That doesn’t make it hurt less.

I’m not saying “put your address into Facebook”. I’m saying “be very careful how you talk to people about this stuff, because a lot of people don’t get it”. I mean, honestly don’t get it.

To them, we come across as the curmudgeon weirdos who won’t love them enough to follow them onto Facebook. “If you truly cared for me, you’d respect that I from now on want to organize all my social life on Facebook. I’m too neurodivergent to use email or call and you’re ablist for not respecting that.” That’s just one of maybe a dozen examples. Others have been more like “OMG Sandra how much of an effort do you think you’re worth? It’s been acceptable that you’ve been tagging along when we go to events, it feels bad including someone, but if you can’t even bother with Facebook now that the events are on there then good fucking riddance, you freet🗓rd!’”

I’m not saying I have the solution, just, be aware of what a minefield this is.

A lot of these examples are from the mid 00s when Facebook hit it big here. For a while it was super hard to get a job or apartment without Facebook. These days there is more awareness of how bad Facebook is and I’ve had less of these issues happening, but there’s been a handful of people who get weirded out by someone with no social media presence who just wants to email or call.

@Sandra “we come across as curmudgeon weirdos” lol I couldn’t have put it better. That’s exactly the feeling I get. And, like you, I lost many connections. It’s unfortunate but I guess that’s the price to pay.

I hear you. I’m not trying to force anyone off of Facebook even though that’s precisely what I wanna do!! I’m just trying to be careful who I hand my information to.


I think there are some who’ve we’ve would’ve lost either way and some that we can keep if we’re careful, if we have some awareness of how weird we are, how unusual our requests are, how big of an ask our ask is. Some respect for what an effort it is.

@ilyess Unhelpful but accurate answer: move somewhere where it's illegal for Facebook to collect those data without your consent, like EU, and then send them periodic GDPR notice letters.

@seachaint I’m not a legal expert but I wonder if GDPR/CCPA would have made a difference in this case. Although the data describe information about me (my address) it would have been provided by my friend with their consent. My friend consents to sharing their contact list (technically their data) with Facebook. What do you think?

@ilyess Oh my nonexistent god, I know this pain! I experienced it myself. I wasn't very conscious then (even before full degoogling I didn't use cloud services much and didn't know how much most people use then) and it was very privacy-aware person who did it to me. I couldn't predict they get so many personal data (full name, phone, physical and email address etc.) and send it to Goolag (via Android contacts) that easy 😓

@ilyess This isn't a fault of ours, it's a fault of the people in our lives not caring about privacy as much as they should. We are being dragged into this hell because of those people. I don't care if it's friends or strangers, people need to start using more than 1 brain cell, or they're going to take us down with them.

@inference Exactly! But it’s hard to show them the light without coming off as a paranoid conspiracy theorist.

@ilyess a bit late to respond but what I do is give the next house over :p

It's close, but not quite right!

@polychrome Good idea. I hear some people do that with Uber and Lyft.

@ilyess oh for those I actually walk for several minutes before getting a taxi / set a bit of a distance from home as my destination :blobcheeky:

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