Matt @mattherron@mastodon.online

Call me when the debates are moderated by Alex Trebek and it's just the candidates just have to answer trivia questions.

If your name is Deborah and you're not learning sleight-of-hand so you can go by Abraca-Deborah, what the fuck are you even doing with your life?

I just keep thinking about how this old Community joke about hoarding flu shots is literally and unironically representative of the modern GOP.

Not a lot of people know this, but the cookie company Otis Spunkmeyer was actually renamed because people were worried the name was too suggestive. The original name was Ezekiel Jizzbiscuit.

I have a joke about Alexander of Macedon. It's great.

Found this meme on Twitter, but if I was a meme I'd be this meme.

Universal Studios: I know your new ad is supposed to make us feel guilty for not going to your park, but "We miss your screams" is something a serial killer says.

Are.... are you going to murder me?

Is there a dude at the gates of hell who checks if you were bad enough to get in? Is his name Saint Queter?

😎

Hey, but seriously - what the fuck is up with penguins? Why they walk like that?

To the tune of Waterloo by ABBA:

My my
The Babadook demands my quick surrender
Oh yeah
And I just know he's coming for my son
The popup book on the shelf
Is always repairing itself
Babadook I was upset, so I let you in
Babdook promise to protect you ever more
Babadook couldn't escape if I wanted to
Babadook knowing my fate is to live with you
Babadook feeding some worms to my Babadook

The real psyop is conservatives constantly accusing dems of being as liberal/leftist as we all wish they would be. Very disheartening.

So the folks decrying cancel culture want us to do what exactly? Be forced to continue consuming their content even after they express shitty opinions? Is that really the argument being made here?

Cottonelle is the best toilet paper and if you disagree with me it's because you don't have a butt.

Internet question: as a male-identifying individual, if I start referring to my underwear as "panties" will I be the subject of general disgust and, if so, will I deserve it? I hope yes.

I think most scifi ignores the possibility that when we create AI it's going to be just as fuckin' dumb and confused and lazy as the rest of us.